“Why, sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.” ~ Alice in Wonderland
I’m having a dilemma.
I’m been forced to believe in the impossible.
Everywhere I look the things I want to happen in my life appear to be in the realms of highly unlikely if not completely impossible.
My two deep desires are to write books for a living and find love again (and I’m not sure which one feels more unlikely).
But if I think about either according to the statistics my plight does not look so good. I’m a divorced woman in her thirties (when a fair chunk of age-appropriate men are already taken) transitioning into a career that I have no experience or training in, and to the rational mind it seems pretty unlikely that either of the two things I’m wishing for will ever come to be.
For one thing, both these things are pretty competitive markets and both rely on more than just skill, talent and effort. The elements of good timing, having the right contacts and sheer dumb luck seem to make both my dream career and a new love squarely belong in the realm of ‘needing a miracle’ to happen.
Most people seem to agree that an element of miracle is required to get in alignment with love and life purpose because the phrases ‘it wasn’t meant to be’, ‘things happen in their own timing’, or ‘everything happens for a reason’ have spilled from the mouths of well-meaning friends whenever I have brought up the conversation of ‘why isn’t this happening already?’. Needless to say, I have stopped talking to my friends about my impossible dreams.
It’s one thing to believe in the impossible, it’s quite another to break the life-long patterns that have thus far prevented the impossible from happening.
In order to have my desires come true I need to break two patterns: my self-sabotage behaviours (which kick in whenever I get close to realising my potential) and attracting emotionally unavailable men (a particularly annoying tape I’ve had on repeat ever since I got divorced 3 years ago) .
Yet I can’t give up. I have seen the impossible unfolding around me in the lives of other people so it is hard to dismiss it completely. The lives of many of my friends are sprinkled with the stardust of miracles against the odds of ‘what is likely and logical’. Unlikely meetings have lead to loving relationships, random conversations in coffee shops to important career contacts and cyberspace sharing of Blog posts to being featured on magazine covers.
It’s impossible not to believe in the impossible in the midst of witnessing miracles.
So my own miracle-making ability has been a little slow on the two things my heart really desires but I’ve been very fortunate to have some miracle-like happenings in my life – in terms of the incredible people I’ve met and some of the experiences I’ve been lucky enough to manifest (including getting a free ride in one of these magical hot-air balloons pictured).
Yet I’ve had more than a few signs to suggest my two most heartfelt dreams are coming. Random meetings have often lead to unexpected opportunities that held the whiff of my deepest dreams even though none of them (so far) have resulted in any tangible miracles . I’ve found it a challenge to keep believing when most of my miracles have disappeared before they had time to manifest properly as if they were teasing me with a huge carrot of ‘what if’.
So what am I to do with my impossible dreams?
Well, I can’t give up on them completely. Writing courses through my veins like Oxygen and regardless of whether anyone reads my work or I ever make a living from it, I must still keep on doing it. No question.
Love is a little trickier. I’d prefer not to believe in it after 3 long years of disappointment (can you hear those violins playing?) but this dream always pops its head up in one way or the other whenever I start to lose faith. An old man at a bus stop will start telling me about the poetry he writes for his true love. I’ll meet a beautiful couple in a remote mountain village that seem to radiate an amazing amount of love for each other and just so happen to live in my hometown. A young guy at the airport will fill me in on his whirlwind travel romance that lead to a cross-world relationship.
Dreams don’t give up even if we do.
Dreams live in us even when we forget about them or lose hope. I know this because when I feel free of their angst-ridden pull, a sign will pop up as if to say ‘are you sure you don’t really want this?’ Even when I try to protest that I don’t care either way, the dream always wins out in the end.
This is when your faith comes into question. The problem with faith is that you have to keep it even when all the evidence says otherwise. Even, or especially, when life seems to be tempting you with hints and signs of your desires coming true but then unceremoniously takes them away before their delivery date. Even when all the statistics suggest you have a better chance of winning the lottery or getting hit by lighting.
But what choice do we really have? We can’t let go of our dreams completely although it may help to let loose the reins on them a little. Our only real choice is to keep on moving forward in their direction regardless of whether the impossible becomes the possible and to find meaning in the other (but no lesser in importance) miracles that manifest in our lives like wonderful friendships and balloon rides.
We all have our own Mission Impossible dreams that we must hold onto even when they seem the most unlikely. Especially when they seem the most unlikely.